"Doc, I just wanna meet someone and fall in love. But I just can’t seem to find the right person. What’s wrong with me? Am I too choosy? Am I destined to a lonely old age ?"
Hmmmm (a doctor sort of noise ).Well, there’s probably nothing wrong with you as such. However, I think your mind needs a good talking to. Your ability to rush ahead and fill the future with doom and gloom probably means that you are missing out on a present that could be fun …if you let it .
Too many people tell me that they feel lonely, sad , and rejected because they are not in a long term relationship. That’s pretty reasonable considering the way romantic books and movies portray love, marriage and the horse and carriage. But the truth is that while there are truly wonderful partnerships around I don’t believe any of them got there with out hard work and communication ……. Yes, I hear what you are saying …I’m willing to work and be totally open and honest when it comes to communication ..if I could just find the right person to share it with !….Wooah Dobbin ! You see, as Phil Collins recently reiterated in the remake of the what The Supremes told us in the sixties " You can’t hurry love, my mamma said …you just have to wait". However, you don’t have to sit on the interchange bench while you are waiting.
I think a big mistake people make is they expect ( or at least hope so much that it hurts) every person they go out with to be THE ONE . Well remember what Phil’s mum said, and just sit back and enjoy meeting new people for the fun of it , and you never know what’ll develop when you least expect it . Love finds you not the other way round. But you will probably make a heap of good and worthwhile friends along the way and have fun to boot !
That question earlier about being "too choosy" isn’t really the issue. If it isn’t right well, it’s simply not right. But just because someone doesn’t fit your ideal picture of a partner doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for them in your life at all. Another mistake ,in my view, is that when we meet someone new we immediately go for the checklist … and tick and cross the various categories that make up our ideal marriage partner. And if they don’t make the grade ..gone. Hold on ….Take each day as a bonus…. Why spoil the fun you can have today with that person by worrying about the future.
If it doesn’t work out at least you can have one good meal or even one nice chat on the train. Start counting the good times not the disasters. Stop looking at each meeting as a possible failed relationship and just view new people as interesting individuals who can lend colour to your life just by meeting them .
Dr Feelgood 1996